"My lowest archetype is the "Victim". I feel I was in the victim for the early years of my teenage and adult life. I felt powerless and disconnected from life. I did what I was told but struggled with feeling controlled and abused by others.

"My environment did not reflect me or my values and yet I did not know how to change my circumstances. I married young and to a man who was a bully. I just handed all my power to him in exchange for “love”. Healing this archetype has carried me through a great distance and I have such empathy for others as they are struggling with the "Victim". Now when I feel the "Victim" come up in my life (such a familiar friend, really) it reminds me to reconnect with my own wisdom and power. Now those feelings direct me to re-connect with my strength, not my weakness.

"This early experience effects my work in massage therapy as I can recognize and relate to the "Victim" very easily.
The "Victim" is a teacher for me. When I see the "Victim" in my clients, I remember what it feels like to be stuck, disconnected from life force and hopeless.

"It also can really push my buttons when I work with a client who stays in the "Victim" and seems unwilling to move forward or make changes. I can tend to resist the victim so much due to my earlier experiences and I know that this is not a helpful or wise choice either. Being in balance would be to remain compassionate and open and keep clear boundaries when dealing with the "Victim".

This is a powerful description from a massage therapist who has used her own past experiences, though painful, to become more effective with "Victim" clients, while empowering herself to go to her strength rather than her weakness.

Tags: Victim

A participant in Ethics & Archetypes Home Study wrote about one of her clients who manifests the "Victim" archetype. She also became aware of her enabling behaviors when working with "Victim" clients. Notice how beautifully she describes the natural magnetism between "Victim" and "Rescuer". Here's what she says:

"One of the clients I’ve seen the most consistently as a client over the years is a true Victim, and I’d like to use her as an example since she’s the most extreme case.

This client was always telling me why she’s hurting and can’t get over it, and the reasons range from astrological cycles, old injuries (physical and mental), influences of her past lives on her present one, horrible economy, energies being out of balance, severe allergies that plague her and lower her immune system, chemicals in the water and aliens looking to take over the world, etc.

She almost never does any of the homework presented to her, and gets very resentful and lashes out when I’ve tried to offer solutions to her problems (even if a couple weeks later she finds another professional who says exactly the same thing).

In many ways she’s been one of my most frustrating clients to deal with, partially because she can be absolutely wonderful and sweet when she’s “on”, but then extremely combative and insufferable when she’s not.

Additionally, I’ve realized that throughout this Ethics course that traditionally the "Victim" archetype has been the hardest for me to deal with, not only in clients but in other people and friends as well. I think that historically Victims have simultaneously triggered my old Rescuer tendencies (obviously they’re in need of saving), but invariably it turns to resentment and irritation in me.

"I’ve been slow to realize that many of them are not just temporary Victims fallen down on their luck, but rather individuals that have carved out a space for themselves within this energy because they often feel safer (don’t need to risk anything because they automatically “know” it will fail) and they are able to get attention and pity for it from others.

"It seems to me now that for my "Rescuer" to come along and compulsively show them how to “fix” themselves and their situations was actually threatening to uproot this security and comfort, and thus they have either shut down further or lashed out at me (temporarily taking on the role of "Destroyer").

"My normal response (in the past) to this was to feel guilty, since I obviously wasn’t a good "Rescuer" if I couldn’t save them, and then to find excessive fault with how they were leading their lives. For interest of keeping my clientele I rarely lashed out at them, but instead turned my need to lash out upon myself ("Destroyer") which increased frustrations on both fronts and did myself a great deal of harm in the process.

"The funny thing about all of this is that since starting the Ethics & Archetypes course, I have finally realized that I have been enabling her (and many of the other Victims in my life), and have been able to take away my energy from them without the feelings of guilt that have accompanied these withdrawals in the past."

Tags: Victim

Several kinds of experiences can lead to the "Victim" becoming a companion to someone for many years, or even decades. This can occur during almost any stage of a person's life.

1. Much more intense victimization than the normal progression through teen years. Examples can be physical or emotional trauma, incest, rape, or being the victim of a violent crime. Serious health challenges can also cause someone to become frozen into the "Victim". In these instances, the person is literally a Victim, and with such deep wounds it can be very hard to overcome the Victim. Most people with these kinds of events in their history will need a lot of help along the way.

2. Having poor role models for healthy adult-hood. This happens frequently in dysfunctional families where there is addiction, violence, co-dependence, etc. The young person does not have the opportunity to observe functional adults on a regular basis.

3. Lack of healthy self-esteem. It is difficult to imagine someone with strong self-esteem becoming a victim. It is one of the main antidotes to falling into a cycle of Victim thinking when disaster strikes in one's life. On the other hand, someone with low self-esteem may feel victimized by insignificant and impersonal events, causing repeated Victim experiences until they permanently take on the personality of a victim.

The Ethics and Archetypes Home Study CE Course for massage therapists provides much information on dealing with the Victim client.

Stop in again in a few days for more on the Victim!

Tags: Victim

All of us have had some interactions with the "Victim", as a client, or a room-mate, or as a co-worker. And all of us have been through at least one "Victim" stage (for varying amounts of time!)

The "Victim" is an essential part of the human experience. The archetype of the "Victim" manages the transfer of power from a person's childhood caregiver to the person, herself. In a normal family (if such a thing exists) this usually happens during the teen years. The young person is gradually taking on more responsibility, is separating from her family of origin and shifting allegiance to the peer group and to her own emerging identity.

We all know about the "teen years"! Most people in this stage feel awkward in social settings, are trying to discover the way to act as an adult, and are totally caught up in the notion of their own power. They rebel against their parents. They try to fit in to a peer group at school. Some kids endure teasing or bullying from older kids, tougher kids, or a group from which they've been excluded. There have been at least two recent events in the national news of young kids, age 11 or 12, committing suicide because of the unbearable teasing and bullying at school. That is a pretty desperate way for someone to try to regain their power!

This is also a time when kids are vulnerable to gangs; in a group they have access to the group's power, an extremely attractive bait for youngsters who are craving self-esteem, and think they can gain some personal power through belonging to a group.

Sometimes the transfer of power goes very smoothly. Over a few teenage years, a person can take on her adult persona, complete with self-esteem and personal power. But many times, that transfer of power gets stalled. The person gets trapped in the victim stage, and remains dis-empowered well into the adult years.

Next time I will write about the things that may cause someone to get "stuck" in their Victim stage.

Tags: Victim

A couple of months ago, in March 09, a friend and I had a memorable experience with the "Rescuer". (I've done several posts on the "Rescuer Archetype", you may want to review). We were going home from a music-playing event on a Sunday evening, just as it was getting dark. It was still very much winter in Minnesota, and getting dark about 6 or 6:30 PM.

As we were just about to pull out onto the main street, a little cottontail rabbit came running across the main road toward us. A car was speeding along and hit the rabbit, just grazing it... it rolled into a little ball in the middle of the road, and I put the car in park and started to get out to go and rescue the bunny.

In the span of 2 or 3 seconds, he seemed to recover a bit, adrenaline rushing, and he took off again toward the side of the road where we were. He was obviously lame but was really trying hard to get to safety.

Before he could get to the side, or we could intervene in any way, another car came along and the rabbit was hit a second time. That was a pretty good hit to his hind quarters... one more second and he would have made it to safety. But he was one second too slow, and that blow was too much.

My friend and I rushed over to the bunny and scooped him up, and as I held him, he was still very warm and I could feel the life force leaving his broken little body. His huge brown eyes were wide open, but his spirit had already left.

Now what? We both instantly agreed that we could not leave him on the road to be run over again and again, nor could we just toss his lifeless body into a dumpster or into the shrubbery along the side of the road.

We had witnessed and participated in something very extraordinary. Though it was a totally ordinary and insignificant little rabbit in one way, it became very significant to us. Witnessing life giving way to death is an extraordinary event.

We had stepped forward to attempt to rescue the little fellow, and though we were 2 seconds too late, we had committed to a relationship and we agreed that we now had an obligation to follow through and give a little rabbit who had suddenly popped into our lives a proper send-off.

There was an old towel on the floor in the back of the car, so we put the lifeless little bunny on that and then drove on, thinking about what to do next. In Minnesota, the ground is frozen several inches deep in March. The lakes were still being used for ice fishing, so we knew we wouldn't have a chance of digging a hole in the ground to bury the rabbit. We had already ruled out the notion of putting him in a dumpster; he deserved more regard than that. We considered burying him under some snow until things warmed up, but figured that scavengers would find his little body, and we didn't want that. So my friend said that he would make a fire the next day and cremate him, and have a little ceremony.

The next day he emailed me to tell me that he had done this, and we discussed it a little. It had been on my mind. Not the least of all the questions it brought up for me was a) why we felt compelled to rescue him in the first place, and b) why we felt a relationship with the rabbit, even though the whole encounter from when we first saw him until he was dead in my hands was only a minute, and c) why we felt an obligation to give him a proper send-off. I have also wondered what would have happened if we had gotten to him after the first hit, when he likely could have survived but would have needed veterinary care and follow-up nursing. Would we have had the commitment to invest that much in a little rabbit? What is the value of life? Especially for a creature that is a member of a very common species and many regard as a pest when it nibbles away their springtime flowers and summertime garden produce.

I really thought a lot about that, and I realized that one factor that made this so powerful was how hard that little rabbit was trying to stay alive. He had just survived a hard Minnesota winter, one of the coldest in 10 or 15 years. He was thin, but he had made it somehow. He was hit by a car, injured but not fatally, and still kept trying to get to the other side, to get to safety.

I admire honest effort, and I know I have struggled with many efforts in many contexts. Some have been successful, and many of my efforts have failed. Sometimes, when a being is struggling and making effort against all odds, it deserves a little grace......A totally unearned and unexpected act of kindness or generosity from out of the blue. That little rabbit needed a little grace. I regret that we were a moment too late.

He reminded us of something else of great importance.... how quickly we can go from life to death, surrendering all our efforts and leaving behind nothing but a carcass that somebody needs to take care of. Life is precious and fragile. We are always just a heartbeat away from our death, and we never know which heartbeat it might be. We all hope when it is our time to go, someone will care enough to give us a decent send-off.

Thanks, Little Rabbit, for the reminders.

Tags: Rescuer

If you find this discussion interesting, you'll enjoy the Ethics & Archetypes: Roles and Boundaries for Somatic Therapists course for your continuing education (CE, CEU, PDA) requirement for NCBTMB or NCCAOM. You'll get the self-test that helps you identify your ranking of 8 archetypes (Child, Victim, Destroyer, Seeker, Nurturer, Rescuer, Magician and Sage). The 6-hour program has 4 audio CD's and a course manual with lots of information and ideas about working with archetypes as a way to understand your clients' inner dynamics and be more effective with them, whilc maintaining appropriate professional boundaries. Massage therapists, acupuncturists, and other somatic therapists will enjoy and benefit from the course! Order Ethics & Archetypes!