Time to "Just Say No" to the Rescuer
As
bodyworkers and somatic practitioners, our
relationship with our clients is very different than
what I described in the previous entry for people in
rescuing professions. In professional rescuing
occupations there are many elements built into the
system to preserve appropriate boundaries between
rescuer and rescuee.
The typical bodyworker who gets into a "Rescuer" mode
with a client will be working with that client over a
period of time, maybe even a very extended period of
time. We get to know our clients very well, so we
lose the impersonal relationship that EMT's or
fire-fighters have. They do not usually know their
clients! And the bodyworker who falls into Rescuing
habits is probably doing more emotional rescuing than
life-saving rescuing. We are not trained to do
counseling or psychotherapy, so we are clearly
crossing an important boundary if we get into this
emotional relationship with a client.
What can we do to break a "Rescuer" habit?
1. Name it. Admit to yourself that you are a
"Rescuer".
2. Try to understand what the appeal of this is for
you. Does it make you forget about your own problems
when you are emotionally rescuing a client? Does it
stroke your ego that they turn to you for rescuing?
3. Recognize your internal signals that a boundary is
in danger. Do you "feel sorry" for a client? Do you
feel an adrenaline rush that you can "fix" their
suffering? Do they pull at your heart-strings like a
wounded child or hurt animal? Do you have difficulty
getting them off your mind, even between sessions?
Figure out what your own signals are.
4. Remind yourself of your professional boundaries,
appropriate language and touch, and the other
resources you have to offer this client... referrals
to a counselor or other professional, or even to a
different massage therapist.
5. Remind yourself of the possible consequences of
engaging in rescuing. Somebody will probably get
hurt. At best, you will keep the client stuck and
dependent in a Victim role.
6. Talk to a mentor or colleague about the situation;
learn additional strategies and get
advice.