Time to "Just Say No" to the Rescuer
As
bodyworkers and somatic practitioners, our
relationship with our clients is very different than
what I described in the previous entry for people in
rescuing professions. In professional rescuing
occupations there are many elements built into the
system to preserve appropriate boundaries between
rescuer and rescuee.
The typical bodyworker who gets into a "Rescuer" mode
with a client will be working with that client over a
period of time, maybe even a very extended period of
time. We get to know our clients very well, so we
lose the impersonal relationship that EMT's or
fire-fighters have. They do not usually know their
clients! And the bodyworker who falls into Rescuing
habits is probably doing more emotional rescuing than
life-saving rescuing. We are not trained to do
counseling or psychotherapy, so we are clearly
crossing an important boundary if we get into this
emotional relationship with a client.
What can we do to break a "Rescuer" habit?
1. Name it. Admit to yourself that you are a
"Rescuer".
2. Try to understand what the appeal of this is for
you. Does it make you forget about your own problems
when you are emotionally rescuing a client? Does it
stroke your ego that they turn to you for rescuing?
3. Recognize your internal signals that a boundary is
in danger. Do you "feel sorry" for a client? Do you
feel an adrenaline rush that you can "fix" their
suffering? Do they pull at your heart-strings like a
wounded child or hurt animal? Do you have difficulty
getting them off your mind, even between sessions?
Figure out what your own signals are.
4. Remind yourself of your professional boundaries,
appropriate language and touch, and the other
resources you have to offer this client... referrals
to a counselor or other professional, or even to a
different massage therapist.
5. Remind yourself of the possible consequences of
engaging in rescuing. Somebody will probably get
hurt. At best, you will keep the client stuck and
dependent in a Victim role.
6. Talk to a mentor or colleague about the situation;
learn additional strategies and get
advice.
Is Healthy Rescuing Possible?
There are
professions whose purpose is rescuing. Emergency room
physicians and nurses, EMT medics, fire-fighters,
suicide hot-line workers, child protection social
workers, and first responders of all kinds. These
professionals are an integral part of a progressive
society. Perhaps we can look at them to answer the
question "Is Healthy Rescuing Possible?"
Lets look at a few characteristics of these
professions.
1) They are specifically trained/educated to offer
effective interventions to someone who needs
rescuing, whether it is a medical emergency, a fire,
a natural disaster, or some other situation where
there are individuals whose lives would be at risk,
or they would at least experience great harm were it
not for the rescuer.
2) They only rescue someone once. The entire rescuing
relationship is usually very brief. Even the
emergency room staff passes the patient along to
another branch of the hospital, or releases them,
within a few hours. There is NOT an ongoing
relationship between the rescuer and rescuee.
3) Emergency rescue personnel do not rescue people
they know personally, at least not in their
professional capacity.
4) No matter how compassionate the rescuer is, they
maintain appropriate emotional boundaries with the
rescuee; the short duration of the rescuing situation
helps to insure this detachment.
5) Rescue professionals rescue others from physical
danger and bodily harm mostly. They do not usually do
emotional rescuing. Other professionals will be
brought in to deal with the emotional fall-out that
can occur subsequent to an accident, natural
disaster, or other event in which someone is rescued.
In the next entry, we will compare these factors to
the way the typical massage therapist works with
her/his clients.
Overcoming the "Rescuer": Meeting People Where They Are in Their Journey
In
the Ethics &
Archetypes Home Study Course,
participants take a survey at the beginning to
determine which archetypes are active and which
are not. Here's an excerpt from a massage
therapist who had the "Rescuer" as her lowest
ranking archetype.
She is right on target when she comments about
"Rescuers" attracting "Victims". They are magnetic to
each other, because each needs the other to act out
it's archetypal identity. If you seem to have a lot
of "Victims" coming to you for massage therapy, you
may have a bit more "Rescuer" than you'd think!
Here's what she says:
"My lowest ranking archetype is the ‘Rescuer’. I
believe that because I do not subscribe to the
Rescuer’s tendency to want to fix people, nor do I
believe that I know what is best for the client
I rarely attract what I feel like is the counterpart
of this archetype – the Victim- into my life and
practice. Instead I feel like I am often able to
grasp multiple truths, especially as they relate to
each individual’s experience. Though I still continue
to work on this, I have created a lot of growth for
myself in accepting and meeting people where they are
in their journey."
This is a wonderful testimony for the changes that
can happen in your massage practice when you begin to
work from the more empowered archetypes of "Seeker",
"Magician", or "Sage."
So how does one "meet them where they are?" The first
component is to understand where YOU are in your
journey. Many times people who are just entering into
"Seeker" have remnants of their old un-empowered
archetypes around for a long time. The client may not
be as far along as you, and you have to let that be
ok.
The second component is to trust that healing is
already going on, and will continue long after you
and the client go your separate ways. The small bit
of energy you can add to the client's healing is just
a drop in the ocean compared to all the other forces
that are acting on his/her life!
The third component is keeping your boundaries
intact. Many times, rescuing behavior is a result of
counter-transference. That is, something about the
client triggers your unfinished business, and brings
out your "Rescuer".
The "Rescuer": A Therapist Remembers
"My lowest score on the archetype self-test was "the Rescuer". I am quite happy about that. I have done a lot of Rescuing in my life and am glad it holds a low score in my life now. I now realize that others must find their own way and for me to mother them or offer more help or treatment than is necessary, is really a disservice to another human.
In the past, I realize that I have taken the "Rescuer" stance on an unconscious level so that I did not have the time or energy to look at my own problems and solve them for myself. I know that I resent anyone telling me something I already know and I believe we already know what needs doing in our lives. It was insulting to do for another what they could do for themselves. By rescuing I said that I didn't have confidence in them to take care of themselves.
I am grateful for the insight looking at this archetype has given me. I feel that the psychological interaction between client and healer is key and I am eager to always learn anything that will help me do a better job."
The "Rescuer" Archetype: Pathway to Burnout for Somatic Practitioners
You know the "Rescuer" is lurking when you tell yourself (or the client) that you can solve his/her problems and take away all his/her suffering by providing bodywork, acupuncture, manipulations, or any other somatic therapy. That may sound like exactly what we are supposed to be doing, otherwise, why are we in the profession? But there's a catch...
Consider.... we REALLY don't know to what degree we can induce changes with our work until we have done at least one session for the person. There are many factors that effect the outcome of treatment, and most of them are beyond our control. We have all had the experience of doing everything that "should" work, and it doesn't, even though the same techniques have been successful with numerous previous clients.
"The Rescuer" can be very sneaky. You may have to really study yourself to realize that it is directing you in ways that can lead to disappointment, boundary issues, and even lost clients.
You'll know the "Rescuer" is driving you when any of the following things happen:
1. You feel an obligation to create change, even before you've assessed or worked on the client
2. You feel like you have failed or let him down if you are unable to produce change
3. There's a sense of urgency regarding the client
4. You are tempted to cross professional boundaries with the client
5. You visualize how grateful they will be to you when they are "healed"
6. You are tempted to work too hard, too long, too deep, in your effort to produce results, even though it may not be appropriate for the person
7. You get a "high" from someone saying that you have made them feel much better, and you seek that "high" from future clients.
8. You feel competitive with other therapists in the sense that you can get people better faster than they can
9. Making people feel better is a way of boosting your self-worth or ego
The "Rescuer" shows up when you are doing bodywork with a hidden agenda involving feeling better about yourself or trying to prove something to the rest of the world.
Because it inherently produces boundary violations and wrong interpretations of the role of the therapist, it leads to frustration, burn-out, and ineffective therapy. It makes the client dependent, needy, and disempowered. Not a good formula for successful practice over many years.
Next time I will write more about the "Rescuer" and share some therapist experiences with this fascinating archetype.
The Seeker Seems to Seek Out the Massage Therapist
"I began my seeking 31 years ago studying and practicing the 8 limbs of Pantanjali yoga as well as reading such books as Gerald Heard’s, ‘Five Ages Of Man’ hoping to find the answer with the turn of each page and the hundreds of
books and thousands of pages after that.
I can recall numerous phases and stages including LSD, Cannabis, Primal Therapy, Gestalt therapy, Rogerian Therapy, Primal Birth Regression, Bio energetic, Core Enegetics, Rolfing, Hellerwork Grof breath work, craniopathy, Tibetan vajrayana yoga as well as 26 years of having hands-on healing work from many practitioners of many modalities.
When I took the survey with the Ethics & Archetypes home study course, my highest ranking archetype was the "Sage" but if I had taken it 31 years ago the numbers of sage / seeker would have been reversed.
In my professional life today, I believe that I embody the best qualities of both Seeker and Sage. It was the guidance of the Seeker over three decades that has helped me to develop the necessary perspectives and knowledge, especially self-knowledge, to be therapist and healer.
These archetypes are teaching me that life is an intuitive process set within the seemingly solid matrix of time."
Readers are welcome to email questions or comments! sunny@lifecircles-inc.com
The Seeker Archetype: Another Massage Therapist's Experience
"The Seeker was my highest-ranking archetype from the self-assessment in the home study course.
In addition to the self-help books and explorations of the different massage modalities I got involved in Tarot and later Wicca, and all sorts of different energy work. I actively sought the answers to what exactly was the energy I was working with and how did it tie into the Divine.
I think I’ve done a good job of transcending a lot of the problems with the "Seeker" archetype (need to be right all the time and the depressions and emotional instability that I now see are a normal part of the Seeker energy), and am much more likely to have fun with the journey and not be to convinced that I have ALL the answers.
In addition, the more I study and understand what I see as the Universal energy and presence, the closer I feel to others and the environment, and the more I want to take care of them. This has broadened my perspective as a massage therapist and a person. Thank You Seeker!"
If you would like to order the Ethics & Archetypes Home Study CE course, go to the Order Form! Thank You!